A problem in translation

I rewrite the first sentence 3, 4, 5 times.

I give myself pep talks: "don't think about them, just write."

I rewrite the first sentence 6, 7, 8 times.

"Write from your heart, write what is true - don't worry."

I rewrite the first sentence 9, 10, 11 times.

"Arghhhh, what is wrong with you?"

"I don't know, close your eyes and see."

"That seems reasonable."

And, there I am sitting on the couch in front of the window flanked by mothers. I see colors; tears run down my cheeks.

I've been trying to write a scene, but the scene isn't what is in my heart. The scene dances around my heart, just like all the words do.

I've mistaken my head for my heart. Dive deeper.